Any mother knows that "mother's instinct" feeling. The feeling that something is just off. Even if it is your first child. A mother has that gut feeling when something just isn't right concerning their child. It's a feeling that you cannot get rid of until the situation is corrected or faced.
When my son was about 2 years old, I started having that gut feeling. He became attached to his bottle. It was an unusual attachment. He would hug the bottle even when nothing was in it. I brushed that off to every child is different. My oldest, my son's older sister, was off of the bottle by her first birthday. But again, I kept reminding myself that every baby is different.
As some time went on, my son's 3rd birthday came. He still was not talking. He would grunt and reach for things but not ask for them. He did say a few words like mama and dada, but would not talk anymore than that. Finally around 3-1/2 he started talking more and then around 4 he was finally speaking in full sentences. He still was not using the correct context of words, but he was talking. I had brought this up to my son's pediatrician for a couple of years. The pediatrician kept saying things like "he is a boy", "he is stubborn", and so did others around me as well. So I let it go but still could not let go of that gut feeling that I just knew something was off.
My son started Kindergarten and could not even recognize his own name. By this point, my oldest not only could recognize her name, but could write it and spell it. Again I brushed this off to "every child is different". During his Kindergarten year, he struggled a lot. He hated school already. He would cry. I would constantly email his teacher with concerns. The teacher was very young, maybe in her early 20's and denoted my son's behavior to him "acting out". I had repeatedly asked the teacher for advice and expressed my concerns for my son's development. Her response was "we do not address that in Kindergarten". So my son struggled his entire Kindergarten school year. I often cried because I did not know what to do for him. I would hold him, love on him, tell him how wonderful he was, encourage him to keep trying and remind him constantly that he is a great child. I did not know what else to do. By this time, I KNEW something was "wrong" but could not get any help. Everyone I brought my concerns up to, quickly dismissed them or made an excuse.
Finally my son's Kindergarten school year was over. I never felt so relieved for him. He was much happier in the summer time. Of course all children love summer break. But for a child who is struggling, it isn't simply about not doing homework or classwork or dealing with early wake up times. It is about being away from the environment where they are made to feel less than the rest of the students. It means some relief of the daily overwhelming anxiety that they feel but do not know how to express.
I dreaded my son going back to school. It actually was deeper than a dreadful feeling, I was depressed over it. I knew his struggles would begin again and for that I cried. I cried because I felt like that was nothing I could do. Imagine your child, your main existence in this world, struggling, hurting, crying almost daily and you feeling up against a wall and feeling that there is nothing you can do to fix it. Not only not being able to fix it, but sending your child back into the situation that is causing his pain, daily and having absolutely no control over it. It hurts, it hurts very badly. It takes a huge emotional toll on you as a parent and as a person. You begin questioning your parenting. I mean how can you be a parent and make your child go back daily to a atmosphere that is causing him anxiety and stress?
He began his first grade year and I will never forget his first day of class. The parents were allowed to stay half the day. I remember the teacher giving the class directions and my son just couldn't keep up. He couldn't understand. He couldn't follow the directions. The directions were very simple. "put your pencils in your desk, put your glue sticks in the basket on the desk, put your folders inside of your desk. He didn't seem to understand. So I stepped in and did everything for him. I remember when it was time for all of the parents to leave, I cried because I knew he was struggling and I just did not want to leave him alone but I had no other choice other than walking away. I wanted to take him and run out of the school, but by law I could not do that, he had to stay.
His first grade year was an even bigger struggle. He started becoming physical with people. His teacher was talking down to him, so he hit her in the face with his lunchbox. He would constantly get sent out of the class for not listening. He would get letters sent home by the teacher for not following directions on a daily basis. He would get reprimanded for hiding under his teacher's desk or for running out of the classroom and hiding in the bathroom.
This is when the school began what they call SST (Student Study Team) meetings. I met with the teacher, the SST coordinator, the special education coordinator, the school psychologist, the reading specialist and the Vice Principal attended one meeting. They discussed my son's challenges and came up with ideas to help him in the classroom. None of the ideas ever seemed to work. In fact when I brought up his anxiety about school and his insomnia, it was turned around on me as a parent. It had been suggested that something is going on at home causing my son his anxiety. It was even said that the constant noises that he made in school was a result of something at home, our choices for him, and we needed to make him stop. I knew his constant noises was a defense mechanism that he had absorbed in order to self sooth during stressful circumstances.
The school had determined themselves that my son had ADHD. The told me to take him to see his pediatrician. So that is what I did. After a 45 minute review, the pediatrician had determined my son had ADHD and should be on medication. I had refused to accept that. I knew that my child was struggling with more than just ADHD. I just knew everything I had seen was not due to just that one diagnosis.
At this point, when the school had started blaming my parenting as being the reasoning for my son's struggles, I finally started discussing outwardly with people around me, my worries. Someone had suggested that I have him evaluated by a well known organization. It took me multiple calls, a 3 hour wait on the phone and an hour intake process to be able to set up an appointment for him. When the appointment day came, we were there for 3-1/2 hours for the initial evaluation. My baby's struggles were due to not only ADHD, but a Neuro Disability, a learning disability but also a touch of Autism. The nuero disability was causing my son to not be able to process directions. He could not handle more than one direct direction at a time.
I then called the Vice Principal and had a conversation with her regarding my son's diagnosis. He is due to be placed into a classroom where there is a helper who is certified in special needs education. It has been a long, hard journey so far but we are starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I have hope that this school year will be the best so far for him. I hope that my son is able to sleep and has a decreased anxiety about school.
I am so glad that I did not settle for what people had said. I am happy that even though I had these educated professionals telling me a diagnosis, that I went with my mother's instinct and kept pushing and fighting for my son. If I settled for what the school and the pediatrician had told me, my son would not be able to get the full opportunities that he needs and deserves.
Children with disabilities does not disable them, it enables them. It makes them extra special. They simply learn differently than other children. If you suspect there is something off about your child, please do not settle, fight and push. It is a long journey but it is worth it. It is worth it to see your child succeed in life.
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