I am a mother of 3 children. My life is always hectic. With this hectic life, I find myself ever so fashionably late to EVERYTHING. My family even jokes with me about my lack of consciousness for time.
Whenever I am late, I usually just laugh it off with everyone else and most of the time I do not provide an excuse for the people who find my time keeping skills comical. So I have made a list of some reasons why I am late. I can only imagine that I am not the only mother out there who experiences these reasons.
1) Poop: Thats right, you read it correctly. POOP.....poop makes me late. Well not my poop, but my kid's poop. It never fails. On our way out the door, someone always has to poop. Either it's the baby, and of course I can't leave her in a dirty diaper. Or it's my son who mysteriously all of a sudden has the uncontrollable urge to poop NOW or he will poop in his pants.
2) Shoes: No matter how many times I say "get your shoes on", even if they are on, they not only are back off when it's time to leave but at least one shoe magically morphed into a black hole and is no place to be found (maybe it's the secret silverware and spoon black hole).
3) Clothes: My children eat non stop. This is the biggest expense in our home. I will purposely wait until about 10 minutes before it is time to go to have the kids put on the clothes I have picked out for them. However, 10 minutes is still enough time to manage to cake on an entire meals worth of food and/or juice. Even after they have already eaten. So they need to change clothes yet again.
4) The "I Forgot": You have everything packed, have went over it three times to be sure that you have everything for the kids. As you are putting the kids into the SUV, you check a fourth time and realized either you forgot something or a child has taken it out in between the 3rd and 4th check.
5) Teeth: I will tell my kids to go brush their teeth. I make sure they go upstairs to do so and then I continue to do what I need to do. I hear them arguing, so I yell a reminder up the steps. It is about time to leave and as I am running down the checklist, the kids have forgotten to brush their teeth. It seems as though arguing has become more important than oral hygiene.
6) More Poop: Our family has 2 dogs. We let them outside frequently. While I am getting ready, I will have my oldest take the dogs outside. When we are ready to go, one of the dogs just has to go back out. They can't just finish their business and come back in. It has to be a 5 step process. Walk around, sniff, poop, walk in circles, finish pooping.
7) Starvation: The definition of starvation in our home is a definition of it's own. My children eat 3 meals a day. In between if they do not have multiple snacks, they will "starve". So on our way out the door, the two oldest have to run to the cabinet and grab a few snacks each, just in case. Just in case we are gone a half hour longer than expected and they start the "im starving" process.
8) Melt Downs: My 7 yr old has invisible disabilities. Some days his anxiety is very bad about leaving the house and he has a meltdown. So in trying to make sure everyone has pooped (including the fur children), we have everything we need (including starvation preventative materials), clean clothes and clean teeth, I have to put on the therapist hat and calm my son down enough to leave.
9) Kisses and Hugs: This is the sweetest reasoning to be late. If I am going someplace with no children, I will have to give them 5 kisses and hugs each per their request. Then as I am about to walk out of the front door, they require another round of hugs and kisses. Also, they argue with each other because each has to be the last person to hug and kiss Mommy.
10) Gas: I am always rushing from point A to point B and always forget to stop to get gas or put it off. So when I need to leave the next day, and am already late for reasons above, I become even more late due to having to stop for gas.
I hope everyone found some humor in this list. I know at the moment these items are not funny but as I was writing them, I couldn't help but to laugh and be amused.
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