Back to school for a child with special needs.......and the parent too

I hear and see so much happiness about back to school from parents. They are so happy to have their children out of the house during the day. It means a cleaner house, lower daycare bills, free time for stay at home moms, etc. All of which I totally understand. 

It is so much different for a parent of a child with special needs.  My son is 7 years old. Days become so stressful for him, and me. Tears flow almost on a daily basis for us, anxiety heightens for both of us, he has many sleepless nights which means no sleep for me. It is such a struggle to simply get him out of the bed. I see his entire demeanor change when school is in session.

Back to school is so emotional for both of us. I worry so badly for him. He runs out of classrooms, hides under the teachers desk, asks why everyone hates him, has hit his teacher, we are expected to make him stop his self soothing mechanism of making repetitive sounds because "it bothers other students".

As a matter of fact, I hate sending my son to school. I cry over it. I feel like I am sending him into the lions den to be destroyed on a daily basis but by law there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it.

We had back to school night last week so the students could meet their new teachers. The teacher seems knowledgeable of special needs. I was on the brink of tears being there because I knew what is in store for another year of school for my child. Thankfully she seems to understand.  She even offered me her cell phone number. I really hope that was a sign that this year will be much better than the past two school years.

So when a parent is actually upset about back to school, when they seem to stand out, don't automatically think they are lazy or bad parents. You never know what they could be going through, or more importantly,  you may not know what the child is going through......especially since the child looks "normal".

Believe: Things Will Work Out

At a church service, our pastor told the congregation to pick a word for the entire year. A word that will mean something to you. It could only be one word. It had to be a word that you would remember and could associate into your life. My mother chose the word, "Believe".

So often in life we become overwhelmed and distraught. Circumstances sometimes get the best of us. We don't know where to turn or what to do. These emotions can take a toll on us. Not just emotionally but physically as well. I am a sufferer of panic attacks. When I worry too much, I will have a panic attack. They are not fun at all. Worrying and being overwhelmed, is what usually triggers my panic attacks. I worry about everything. I then will start having pains in my left chest wall and in the middle of my back. When I inhale, it feels like someone is stabbing me in my heart. My left arm will begin to hurt. Sometimes they last only a few moments and other times they can last up to an hour.

I try to calm myself, use breathing techniques, pray, meditate, sleep, or spend some time on my hobby. Those things usually help get my mind off of the current issues causing my worrying.

Life is far from easy. There is such a struggle daily just to get through the days sometimes for a lot of people in the world. Whether its your job, your marriage, finances, a sick family member, your children, personal health issues, etc. Or it could be all of the above. Just know, each day is a fresh start for all of us.

My mother chose the word "Believe", for her own reasoning. However, even though "Believe" is her word, I find myself thinking about it quite often and associating her word with my life. When I become overwhelmed or worried, I remind myself to "Believe". I need to believe that things will always work out. That no matter what each day brings, it is for a purpose. If it is a bad event, I am sure that it is for a reason, to teach me, to mold me, to guide me to where I need to be in life. I believe in this! Each day brings new hope for each of us. I believe that each day is a fresh start, a clean canvas. If something didn't work out yesterday like you had hoped, then it just wasn't meant to be, or maybe your life lesson wouldn't have been fully learned by going that route. So maybe on your new day, you just go at it differently.

We all have to believe that life will work out for us. Each bad experience is a learning lesson. If you take from it something, then it was not a waste of time. Just keep the hope that everything does happen for a reason to guide us and that if we keep believing and having hope, you will be just fine in life.

Giving Up is NOT an Option

Sometimes no matter how positive I am, I struggle mentally to keep the positive thoughts. Some days seem like everything is hitting me at once.  I feel under water with no chance of a breath of air. Feeling alone is the worst.

Have you ever felt like this? Im sure you have. Everyone does at some point.  It's just that some people handle it a little easier than others do. Some feel like its the end of the world. Some crawl into bed and have a good cry. Some eat comfort food.....or maybe all of the above.

Have you ever felt like life was beating you down so much that you just cant push on any further? Yeah, me too. I'm a cryer.  Its ok to have your moment, its ok to be a positive person but have a bad day. Its really ok to feel like giving up. But as long as you don't. 

Think of all of the goals and dreams you have. The hopes that you have for yourself.  Use those thoughts to push on. Life is never perfect but one thing it has taught me is that the harder I have to work for something,  the more I seem to enjoy the reward.

When you change your thinking, you change your outcome.  If you constantly think "why me", "I have a black cloud over my head", you will never rid yourself of that black cloud that you claim to have. Gain a positive attitude about life. You are strong! You will make it! If you fail, it's ok, just try it a different way the next time.

You can't give up, your destiny is waiting for you.  So get up and go at life full speed ahead and give it your everything.  Bill collectors may knock on your door but success and happiness won't. 

10 Reasons Why A Mother is Always Late

I am a mother of 3 children. My life is always hectic. With this hectic life, I find myself ever so fashionably late to EVERYTHING.  My family even jokes with me about my lack of consciousness for time.

Whenever I am late,  I usually just laugh it off with everyone else and most of the time I do not provide an excuse for the people who find my time keeping skills comical. So I have made a list of some reasons why I am late.  I can only imagine that I am not the only mother out there who experiences these reasons.

1) Poop: Thats right, you read it correctly.  POOP.....poop makes me late. Well not my poop, but my kid's poop. It never fails. On our way out the door, someone always has to poop. Either it's the baby, and of course I can't leave her in a dirty diaper. Or it's my son who mysteriously all of a sudden has the uncontrollable urge to poop NOW or he will poop in his pants.

2) Shoes: No matter how many times I say "get your shoes on", even if they are on, they not only are back off when it's time to leave but at least one shoe magically morphed into a black hole and is no place to be found (maybe it's the secret silverware and spoon black hole).

3) Clothes: My children eat non stop. This is the biggest expense in our home. I will purposely wait until about 10 minutes before it is time to go to have the kids put on the clothes I have picked out for them.  However, 10 minutes is still enough time to manage to cake on an entire meals worth of food and/or juice. Even after they have already eaten. So they need to change clothes yet again.

4) The "I Forgot": You have everything packed, have went over it three times to be sure that you have everything for the kids. As you are putting the kids into the SUV, you check a fourth time and realized either you forgot something or a child has taken it out in between the 3rd and 4th check.

5) Teeth: I will tell my kids to go brush their teeth. I make sure they go upstairs to do so and then I continue to do what I need to do. I hear them arguing,  so I yell a reminder up the steps. It is about time to leave and as I am running down the checklist,  the kids have forgotten to brush their teeth. It seems as though arguing has become more important than oral hygiene. 

6) More Poop: Our family has 2 dogs. We let them outside frequently.  While I am getting ready, I will have my oldest take the dogs outside.  When we are ready to go, one of the dogs just has to go back out. They can't just finish their business and come back in. It has to be a 5 step process. Walk around, sniff, poop, walk in circles, finish pooping.

7) Starvation: The definition of starvation in our home is a definition of it's own. My children eat 3 meals a day. In between if they do not have multiple snacks, they will "starve".  So on our way out the door, the two oldest have to run to the cabinet and grab a few snacks each, just in case. Just in case we are gone a half hour longer than expected and they start the "im starving" process.

8) Melt Downs: My 7 yr old has invisible disabilities.  Some days his anxiety is very bad about leaving the house and he has a meltdown.  So in trying to make sure everyone has pooped (including the fur children), we have everything we need (including starvation preventative materials), clean clothes and clean teeth, I have to put on the therapist hat and calm my son down enough to leave.

9) Kisses and Hugs: This is the sweetest reasoning to be late. If I am going someplace with no children, I will have to give them 5 kisses and hugs each per their request. Then as I am about to walk out of the front door, they require another round of hugs and kisses. Also, they argue with each other because each has to be the last person to hug and kiss Mommy.

10) Gas: I am always rushing from point A to point B and always forget to stop to get gas or put it off. So when I need to leave the next day, and am already late for reasons above, I become even more late due to having to stop for gas.

I hope everyone found some humor in this list.  I know at the moment these items are not funny but as I was writing them, I couldn't help but to laugh and be amused.

Conceited or Confident?

I have recently lost 45 pounds. I am very proud of myself for giving life to 3 beautiful babies and yet managing to lose weight and still feel beautiful.  I like to look nice, do my hair, wear jewelry and occasionally have a pedicure or my nails done as a reward for all of my hard work as a mother and woman.

A few people over the past few months have called me high maintenance and conceited.  At first I became slightly upset. I mean I go out of my way to help others, I try to encourage others and uplift them. So I didn't understand how I would be considered high maintenance or conceited. 

Then it dawned on me that this is simply another way for people to attempt to bring you down or to rain on your parade. There are way too many people (men and women) in this world who have been affected by our social media.  You know, the photoshopped pictures of flawless bodies. Not once ounce of fat or cellulite on their body, perfect hair, no wrinkles.

I pondered more on this, which made me pay even more attention to the way people around me view themselves.  It was very upsetting. So I am here to say that everyone has beauty. Some people will try to bring you down because they are not happy with themselves. 

There has to be one thing about yourself that you love. It may not necessarily be a physical feature. But maybe something that you have obtained in life that you are proud about. Take that one quality that you love about yourself and think about it everyday.  I guarantee that you will start thinking about and finding other features about yourself that you love.

When you reach the point of loving yourself inside and out, don't allow anyone to take it from you. It is not being conceited.  It is being proud of who you are in life. We all need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else.  Once you find that love within, everything else will fall into place.

So go on, show off your confidence!

Make Your Dreams Come True

Do you have a dream of some sort. A dream of something that you want for yourself. It could be anything.  A college degree,  buy your first house, owning your own business, being debt free, etc. Have you done anything to work towards this dream?

Your dream, no matter what it is, is obtainable if you set your mind to it. But you need to start today if you haven't already. Just one task a day would allow you to be closer to your dream as each day passes.  Even if it is one positive thought like, "I can do this".

There will always be someone in your life who will question your tactics or criticize what you are doing.  This person could even be yourself causing that self doubt.  Don't allow anyone to hold you back, not even yourself. Push through the negativity.  Imagine where our world would be if everyone gave up because there was someone who thought they were crazy for going for their dream. Oprah Winfrey had stated that her grandmother had taught her the ways of becoming a housekeeper as a child. Oprah knew thats not what she wanted for herself. So she pushed through all of the odds in her life. Look at the sensation she has become for so many people in the world.

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a motivational speaker.  He had asked the singer/artist "50 Cent", when did he have time to sleep. The singer responded with, "I didn't sleep".  If you want something bad enough in life, you will do everything you can and work as hard as possible to achieve it.

So push those self doubts out of your mind, ignore the critics,  and work hard. It is never too late to start working towards that goal. Start today. This day, hour, and minute will never come again. So don't waste it.

You can do it!

Remember, It's Only Temporary

We all have struggles in life. Some are minor, some are drastic. Some struggles seem to ourselves that there just couldn't be anyone who would ever understand what you are feeling or experiencing currently. But truth is, we have all been there, we have all experienced it. We have all hurt, we have all stressed, we have all had money problems at one point, etc. During those struggles or negative emotions that I have experienced, I have found the thought enter my mind of "This will never go away" or "Why me?". Struggling is a part of life. However, you do not have to unpack and stay there. You can make the situation temporary. Have your breakdown moment, cry, be mad, scream, whatever it is that will make you feel better. Then pick yourself back up. Life keeps moving regardless of where each of us are currently. The world will keep turning, everyone else will go on each day, the time will keep ticking. It is our job, for ourselves, to fix ourselves. You are capable of it. You are capable of being happy and enjoying life. As that time keeps ticking, keep in mind, "this too shall pass". It will pass, I promise. What you should do, is make that negative an inspirational positive. Use it to learn from. Each of my experiences have made me stronger. I used to be a quiet, extremely shy person. I would never even think about talking unless being spoken to. I also never stood up for myself, I never stood out. I was the type of girl in school that quietly sat in the back of the classroom. I worried what others would think, would I say the wrong thing, would I upset someone, would I embarrass myself? That is no way to live. Each of my negative experiences have pushed me a little further in life. They have helped me to come out of my shell. I am now nothing like what I was in high school. I stand up for what I believe, I say what I feel, I do not care what others think about me. I go for what I want and what I deserve in life. You are capable of anything you put your mind to. However, if you keep a negative attitude, I promise that you will be blind to the what each circumstance has to teach you. If you are struggling financially, take from it the learning experience of when things finally work out for you, the appreciation of staying humble. You have been at the bottom, you know what it feels like. Stay humble, don't put yourself above others because you have a higher financial status. If your marriage ends, pick yourself up and move on. Take from it the thought of what you can change about yourself or the type of person that you need/want to be with in the future to make your life positive and happy. Every experience is only temporary, so make it a learning opportunity. It does not last forever and reminding yourself of what you have learned will help you to understand why life brought you down that road, which will help you to recover. Stay strong.